let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
