If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
