I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
