What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
