My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
