I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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