Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
