Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
did i just pee glitter
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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