i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
