...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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