fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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