Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
