She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
