The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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