I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
