what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
