I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
