when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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