yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
