I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it was like eating out sand paper
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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