i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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