Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
