all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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