How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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