I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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