she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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