so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
