i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
