Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
