I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
