I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he thought i was a dude.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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