you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
