ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
