Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
