We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
