I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
