It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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