How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He felt like a one man threesome
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
