i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
