hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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