Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
