i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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