The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
