i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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