yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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