I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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