you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
