I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
