Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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