Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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