well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
