Cold hands, warm shart.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
