Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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