Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
